*** These are some of the first astrophotography shots I took that planted the seed for this passion to sprout.
Astrophotography came to me at a turning point in my life. I was a special ed school teacher of 15 years and was losing a war with the school system advocating for a heavily impacted student. Watching the system take advantage of the most marginalized and vulnerable disabled students was a level of disgust I wasn’t prepared for in my teaching career and it was revealed in a slow process year after year of seeing one policy change after another- one neglected scenario after another. This caused burnout and my departure from teaching was not me wiping out- it was actually me standing up- refusing to be part of a toxic system where I was seeing such a bypassing of rights and ethics.
My choice to resign came with a ferocious combat between myself and the school district with attorneys, union advocates, and a lot of therapy. “Do what makes you feel happiest” one of my therapists told me, “that’s how you re-wire your brain” yet it felt selfish and unproductive to spend my days snowboarding then stargazing. But that’s what I did. I spent as many days and nights as I could carving new pathways with my snowboard, and my brain and my nights were usually spent alone near a mountain top contemplating and creating. The long exposure of the camera taught me how to meditate. The cold of the night taught me to hold a stretch and be present in my body. The concentration of composition and alignment taught me about the creative process and how to be in a flow state. This process became about finding light in the dark- both literally and metaphorically. Many nights were spent analyzing my significance, and perhaps more profound- my insignificance. That we were all connected and part of a cosmic miracle, yet at the same time, what absorbs much of our inner world was insignificant in contrast to the vastness of the universe.
Astrophotography became the most meaningful thing I did with my grief. And it has been a tool to help me process the darkness ever since. Now over the years, astrophotography has taught me to process much more than grief, but for the purpose of this project, I am going to chart my own scenario’s of loss, grief and darkness in contrast with the art created from those moments. This is a project that won’t ever end as we as humans will never stop having scenarios of loss and grief. I hope some of the beauty captured in these moments will inspire others to find something tangible to do with their grief, as the light is always brighter in the dark.